阶梯之间

在外网看到Micheal妹妹（或姐姐？）的发声，和剧集、纪录片中呈现的支持Micheal的亲人们相反，她认为自己的兄弟是有罪的。感觉可以给对事件感兴趣的豆友们一个视角，就搬运过来了。不代表个人观点，谷歌翻译加上个人审校，渣翻请大家见谅。 原文地址： https://web.archive.org/web/20060205042751/http://www.justicemag.com/daily/item/1186.html 标题：当你的兄弟是凶手 Title：When Your Brother Is a Murderer 被定罪的凶手迈克尔·彼得森的姐妹向司法专栏作家凯特·库拉迪写了一封衷心的信，主题是关于被遗忘的暴力犯罪受害者。 The sister of convicted murderer Michael Peterson writes a heartfelt letter to justice columnist Katie Coolady about the forgotten victims of violent crime. 亲爱的凯蒂， 我知道您正在为犯罪受害者主题撰写专栏，我非常喜欢这个想法。我犹豫着是否与您分享，因为我不是受害者，也不是受害者的家人。我是凶手的妹妹，而我的人生也因此不可能与之前相同。 Dear Katie, I understand that you are writing a column for victims of crimes, and I like that idea a lot. I am hesitant to share with you because I am not a victim, nor am I family of a victim. I am the sister of the murderer, and my life will never be the same. 2001 年 12 月 10 日上午 10 点，我在加利福尼亚的家中，正准备去朋友家吃早餐时，电话响了。那是我的侄子克莱顿。我很高兴接到他的电话，因为我有一段时间没有和他说话了。然后他告诉我，我的嫂子凯瑟琳——我哥哥迈克尔的妻子——在凌晨时分于她位于北卡罗琳娜州的家中的楼梯底下被发现：她从楼梯上摔下来，死了。 At 10 a.m. on December 10, 2001, I was at home in California, preparing to go to a friend's house for breakfast, when the phone rang. It was my nephew Clayton. I was happy to hear from him because I hadn't spoken to him in a while. Then he told me that my sister-in-law Kathleen, my brother Michael's wife, had been found at the bottom of a staircase in her North Caroline home in the early morning hours. She had fallen down the stairs, and she was dead. 老实说，我的第一个也是最直接的想法是：“哇，这就是发生在Liz身上的事情。” 伊丽莎白拉特利夫（笔者注：Martha和Margeret的亲生母亲）是我们家的好朋友，也是迈克第一任妻子帕蒂最好的朋友。 1985年，当他们都住在德国时，她死于楼梯坠落。她是如此亲密的朋友，以至于我的兄弟迈克尔后来帮助抚养了她的两个女儿。 Honestly, my first and immediate thought was. "Wow, that's what happened to Liz." Elizabeth Ratliff was a very good friend of our family and the best friend of Mike's first wife, Patty. In 1985, when they were all living in Germany, she had died in a staircase fall. She was such a good friend that my brother Michael had then helped raise her two daughters. 接下来涌入的想法是：凯瑟琳死了，我的上帝，这怎么可能，这太可怕了，这肯定是一场梦。 Then the next thoughts came flooding in: Kathleen is dead, my God, how can that be, this is horrible, this is a dream. 克莱顿让我开车去旧金山向伊丽莎白·拉特利夫的两个女儿之一玛莎汇报这个消息。在过去的十年里，她作为我的兄弟迈克尔及凯瑟琳的养女一起生活，她正在旧金山大学完成她的第一个学期，离我家只有 15 分钟车程。克莱顿说迈克本人非常沮丧，他不能来接电话，但后来他接了电话，简短地嘱咐我马上去找玛莎。 Clayton asked me to drive to San Francisco to break the news to Martha, one of Elizabeth Ratliff's two daughters. She had lived with my brother Michael and Kathleen as their foster child for the past decade, and she was finishing her first semester as a freshman at the University of San Francisco, just a 15-minute drive south of my house. Clayton said that Mike himself was so upset he couldn't come to the phone, but then he did, just briefly, and told me to get right over to Martha's. 取消早餐约会后，我跳进车里。当我快到金门大桥时，我的另一个侄子托德打电话来询问我的进展。我告诉他我已经安排了一位神父和宿管与我一起把消息告诉玛莎，他们在宿舍与我碰头，我们一起敲了 Martha 的门。我能听到她咯咯的笑声——毕竟，这是周六一晚上的party时光后的周日一早，她的阿姨在门后“窃听”着她。她终于让我进去了，她的咯咯笑声戛然而止，因为她看出了我举止的严肃。她的瞳孔变大了，她的室友离开了房间，我告诉她凯瑟琳死了。我告诉她，她的养母被发现死在楼梯底部（“就像你的第一任母亲一样”，我心想），我们在她的床上拥抱并抽泣。 After canceling my breakfast engagement, I jumped in my car. As I was approaching the Golden Gate Bridge, Todd, my other nephew, called to ask about my progress. I told him I had already arranged to have a priest and the dormitory's resident advisor meet me to help me give Martha the news. The priest and the RA met me in the dorm, and together we knocked on Martha's door. I could hear her giggling -- after all, here was her Aunt Ann bugging her on a Sunday morning after a Saturday night of college partying. She finally let me in, and her giggles stopped abruptly as she could see the seriousness of my demeanor. Her pupils got huge, her roommate left the room, and I told her Kathleen was dead. I told her that her foster mother was found dead at the bottom of the stairs (just like your first mom, I thought to myself) and we hugged and sobbed on her bed. 我安排那天晚上飞往东部，我让玛莎参加了期末考试并交卷，让她的朋友们帮忙收拾过寒假的行李。她和我乘坐红眼航班来到了北卡罗来纳州。 I made arrangements to fly east that night, for Martha to take her final exams and hand in her papers later, and for her friends to pack up her belongings for winter break. She and I took the red eye to North Carolina. 克莱顿和他的女朋友在机场迎接我们，我们都在华夫饼屋停下来吃早餐。然后我们去了我哥哥迈克尔的隔壁邻居家，因为我们被告知凯瑟琳的死亡现场正在接受警方的调查。我对此感到不安，但接受了它，觉得这一定是猝死现场要走的标准流程。 Clayton and his girlfriend met us at the airport, and we all stopped at Waffle House for breakfast. Then we went to my brother Michael's next door neighbor's house, because we were told that the scene of Kathleen's death was being investigated by the police. I had an uneasy feeling about that but accepted it, feeling that it must be standard protocol for sudden deaths. 当我们到达邻居家时，我们看到了我兄弟房子周围的黄色胶带。有很多警察，还有电视摄像机，这是克莱顿提醒我们的另一件事。在调查完成之前，不允许任何人进入我兄弟的房子。一天多来，警察一直在搜查他的豪宅和占地三半英亩的土地。 As we arrived at the neighbor's house, we saw the yellow tape around my brother's house. There were lots of police, and there were also TV cameras, another thing Clayton had warned us of. No one was allowed in my brother's house until the investigation was complete. Police had been searching his mansion and three-and-a-half acre grounds for over a day. 后来我们都去了我哥哥的另一个好朋友克里·萨顿的家。克里慷慨地向我们家人开放了她的房子。家人从全国各地陆陆续续赶来，加入了我、玛莎、克莱顿和托德的行列。克莱顿和托德是迈克尔第一次婚姻的儿子。玛格丽特是玛莎的妹妹，也是丽兹·拉特利夫的另一个女儿，她从新奥尔良的杜兰大学赶来。我的其他兄弟杰克和比尔来自内华达州；比尔，一位律师，是第一个到达的。凯瑟琳的姐妹们从弗吉尼亚开车南下，最后凯瑟琳的第一次婚姻的女儿凯特琳从纽约抵达，她在康奈尔大学读大二。 We all went over later to Kerry Sutton's house, another good friend of my brother's. Kerry had graciously opened up her house to our family. Family members came trickling in from across the country, joining me and Martha and Clayton and Todd, Michael's sons from his first marriage. Margaret, who is Martha's sister and Liz Ratliff's other daughter, came up from New Orleans, where she was attending Tulane. My other brothers Jack and Bill came from Nevada; Bill, a lawyer, had been the first to arrive. Kathleen's sisters drove down from Virginia and finally Caitlin, Kathleen's daughter from her first marriage, arrived from New York, where she was a sophomore at Cornell. 随着时间的流逝，我们仍然不被允许进入房子，玛格丽特问我迈克是否是凯瑟琳死亡的嫌疑人，我不知道。我哥哥比尔告诉我们，警方正在彻底调查这起死因，以防有入侵者谋杀的可能性。听到这话，我松了口气，因为这似乎是有道理的。我很高兴警方进行彻底的调查：一个年轻而充满活力的人因这种方式（笔者注：入侵者杀害）而死去似乎更合理，听到迈克不是嫌疑人，我松了一口气。玛格丽特也明显地表现出了宽慰，并接受了这个想法。 At one point, as the hours passed, and we were still not allowed access to the house, Margaret asked me if Mike was a suspect in Kathleen's death in any way. I didn't know. My brother Bill told us that the police were investigating the death thoroughly, in case there had been an intruder who might have murdered her. I was relieved to hear this, for it seemed to make sense. I was glad they were doing a thorough job. It seemed more plausible that a young and vibrant person would die this way, and I was relieved to hear that Mike was NOT a suspect. Margaret also visibly showed relief, and acceptance of this idea. 我为我的兄弟迈克感到非常难过，因为我知道他非常爱凯瑟琳。他一直是一个不安分的人，总是在寻找着什么，从不满足于他所拥有的，直到拥有了凯瑟琳。他似乎真的很满足于 48 岁的凯瑟琳，比他小 10 岁，而她是我见过的唯一一个能与他坚强的性格相匹配的人。当他表现出愤怒的一面时，她可以逗他笑。我最尊重凯瑟琳的是，她第一次真正地让玛莎和玛格丽特成为这个家庭的正式成员。在她嫁给迈克之前，女孩们并不总是参加家庭聚会和旅行，但凯瑟琳改变了这一切。而她似乎是唯一可以和我哥哥相配的人。如果他对她大喊大叫，她会说，“哦，闭嘴，迈克，”然后他们会一起爆笑。他们在一起看起来真的很幸福。我对他的损失感到非常抱歉。 I felt great sadness for my brother Mike, for I knew he loved Kathleen very much. He had always been a restless person, always looking for something, never satisfied with what he had, until Kathleen. He seemed truly content with Kathleen, who at 48 was a decade his junior, and she was the only person I ever met who could match his strong personality. She could make him laugh when he showed his angry side. What I respected most about Kathleen was that she had truly made Martha and Margaret full members of the family for the first time. Before she married Mike, the girls didn’t always come on family gatherings and trips, but Kathleen changed all that. And she seemed to be the only person who could be compatible with my brother. If he yelled at her, she would say, "Oh, just shut up, Mike," and then they would break up laughing together. They truly seemed happy together. I was very sorry for his loss. 那天深夜，我们都在邻居家庆祝了玛格丽特的 20 岁生日。我们吃蛋糕、唱歌、送礼物，分担着凯瑟琳去世这令人难以承受的悲伤。 Late that night, we all celebrated Margaret's 20th birthday at the neighbor's house. We had cake and sang and gave gifts and shared the overwhelming sadness of Kathleen's death. 接下来的日子被葬礼的各种安排填满，所有一切都是由凯瑟琳的姐妹们安排的。而此时已经很明显，尽管与我的希望相悖，但我哥哥显然是谋杀凯瑟琳的嫌疑人。一天深夜，当警察终于把房子交给我们时，第一个进去的人是克莱顿和托德，迈克的两个儿子，还有我的兄弟比尔。他们都立即开始寻找任何可能的入侵者的迹象。除了迈克——他去了自己的书房，倒腾起电脑来。 The ensuing days were filled with the funeral arrangements, all made by Kathleen's sisters. And it was now evident that, despite my hopes to the contrary, my brother was clearly a suspect in the murder of Kathleen after all. When the police finally turned the house over to us late one night, the first people who went in were Clayton and Todd, Mike's two sons, and my brother Bill. They all immediately began looking for any signs of a possible intruder. All except for Mike, who went to his office to work on his computer. 我和家人一样感到愤慨的是，我的兄弟正在被调查为可能的凶手。我以为当地的乡巴佬警察们不了解他的智慧以及有教养的生活方式。他是一位小说家和报纸专栏作家，曾撰写批评当地警察的文章。作为一个 60 年代思想自由的孩子，我认为警察腐败是一种常态。我很生气，我的兄弟受到如此可怕的对待。 I shared in the family's indignation that my brother was being investigated as a possible murderer. I thought the local hick cops didn't understand his intelligence and cultured lifestyle. He was a novelist and newspaper columnist who had written articles critical of the local police. As a liberal minded child of the '60s, I embraced the concept of police corruption as the norm. I was livid that my brother was being treated so horrifically. 我回到湾区后，我哥哥被控谋杀并入狱。我非常愤怒。我和我的亲友在蒙特雷的圣诞假期是一个非常悲伤的假期。我知道迈克在监狱里。他不仅要承受失去灵魂伴侣的悲伤，还被指控谋杀了她。我无法想象那一定是多么可怕。我从亚马逊网站为监狱里的他订购了一本弗吉尼亚·伍尔夫的小说。后者是我一生的文学导师。 After I returned to the Bay Area, my brother was indicted for murder and jailed. I was absolutely outraged. My Christmas holiday with my in-laws in Monterey was a very sad one. I knew Mike was in jail. Not only did he have to bear the sadness of losing his soulmate, he was accused of her murder. I couldn't imagine how horrible that must be. I ordered a Virginia Woolf novel from Amazon.com for him in jail. He had been my literary mentor my entire life. 当我重返工作岗位时，我的同事目睹了我对兄弟困境的悲痛和愤怒。我在加利福尼亚州里士满的低收入地区担任护士，我的同事可以共情那些与警察打交道时不公正的待遇。 When I returned to work, my co-workers witnessed my grief and my outrage about my brother's plight. I work as a nurse in a low-income area -- Richmond, California -- and my co-workers could empathize with dealing with injustice from the police. 在接下来的几个月里，我每周至少打电话给我的兄弟一次，分享我的积极想法、鼓励他、同情他。我们互相发了电子邮件。他让我了解调查的最新情况。他告诉我其他楼梯上的死亡事件，最初被认为是谋杀，后来被证明是事故。他告诉我世界著名的法医调查员来到他家，得出的结论是凯瑟琳的死绝对是一场意外。亨利·李博士（笔者注：李昌钰）几次来他家，一次是为了拍摄《20/20》。很明显，迈克有一个非常确凿的案例来证明他是无辜的，所有这些专家都可以作证。检察官吉姆·哈丁看起来像个土包子，一个头脑简单的南方律师，不可能理解我兄弟这样一个复杂人的复杂性。 In the ensuing months I would call my brother at least once a week to share my positive thoughts, to encourage him, to sympathize with him. We e-mailed each other. He kept me current with the investigation. He told me of other staircase deaths that were initially thought to be murders and later proven to be accidents. He told me of world-renowned forensic investigators who came to his house and concluded that Kathleen's death was definitely an accident. Dr Henry Lee came to his house several times, once for a filming of "20/20." It was clear that Mike had a very solid case to prove that he was innocent, with all of these experts to testify. And the prosecutor Jim Hardin seemed like such a bumpkin, a simpleminded Southern lawyer who could not possibly understand the intricacies of such a complex person as my brother. 我每天都在网上阅读新闻报道。我认为任何认为我兄弟有罪的人要么是恶意的，要么是愚蠢的。他们只知道他们读到的简单的东西。他们不认识我的兄弟。我认识我的兄弟，我知道他是无辜的。因为我认识他，我知道他是无辜的。他是我的兄弟，和我在同一个屋檐下长大，在同一个家庭被抚养成人。我知道他不是凶手。 I read the news reports online every day. I thought that any person who thought my brother was guilty was either malicious or stupid. They only knew the simple things they read. They did not know my brother. I knew my brother and I knew he was innocent. Because I knew him, I knew he was innocent. He was my brother, raised in the same household as me, raised in the same family. I knew he was not a murderer. 迈克给我发了几次关于凯瑟琳的女儿凯特琳的电子邮件。他抱怨她是多么的贪婪，她是如何试图获得凯瑟琳的人寿保险，以及她是多么想在凯瑟琳的坟墓上竖起一个华而不实的标记。凯特琳也相信迈克是有罪的。不管迈克怎么想，我都同情凯特琳。作为凯瑟琳的女儿，她应该得到她的任何遗产，即使她想在母亲的坟墓旁摆上粉红色的火烈鸟，也应该被允许。毕竟，不管是什么原因，她失去了母亲，我对她的毁灭性损失表示同情。但我也认为她认为迈克有罪是错误的，而且她也一定是头脑简单，容易被达勒姆警察操纵，以至于她看不到真相。 Mike e-mailed me several times about Kathleen's daughter Caitlin. He complained about how greedy she was, how she was trying to get hold of Kathleen's life insurance, and how she wanted to put up a gaudy marker on Kathleen's grave. And Caitlin also believed Mike was guilty. I felt sympathy for Caitlin, no matter what Mike thought. As Kathleen's daughter, she deserved any inheritance there was, and even if she wanted to put up pink flamingos on her mother's grave, she should be allowed. After all, no matter the cause, she lost her mother and I empathized with her devastating loss. But I also thought she was wrong to think Mike guilty, and that she too must be simpleminded to be so easily manipulated by the Durham police that she couldn't see the truth. 凯瑟琳的尸检回来了，裁定是他杀。我知道这个结论是错误的。我还在网上阅读了伊丽莎白·拉特利夫的原始尸检，其中描述了由于跌倒而导致的“头皮上多处深裂伤”，我心想，是的，由于从楼梯上摔下来所造成的多处裂伤。我记得在德国格拉芬豪森的伊丽莎白·拉特利夫家里那个有问题的楼梯——上面没有铺地毯而且很硬。 Kathleen's autopsy came back ruled a homicide. I knew this conclusion was wrong. I had also read online Liz Ratliff's original autopsy that described "multiple deep lacerations over the scalp" due to a fall, and I thought, yes, multiple lacerations because of a fall down the stairs. I remembered the stairs in question in Liz's house back in Grafenhausen, Germany. They were not carpeted. They were hard. 母亲节那天，我在内华达州里诺拜访了我的母亲。比尔安排了一个来自北卡罗来纳州的新闻工作人员采访我的父母。妈妈说她根本不想这么做，压力太大了，但当然，如果这对迈克有帮助，她会的。她让我坐在她身边。我不想，但我想帮助妈妈，所以我做了，不想说什么。但是当记者问我问题时，我几乎无法闭嘴。 “凯瑟琳显然是因为头皮撕裂而摔倒流血而死，”我坚持说。“我是一名有急诊室经验的护士，我知道头皮撕裂是如何流血的。” On Mother's Day, I visited my mother in Reno, Nevada. Bill had arranged for a news crew from North Carolina to interview both my mother and father. Mom said she did not want to do it at all, it was so very stressful, but of course if it would help Mike, she would. She asked me to sit by her. I didn't want to, but I wanted to help Mom, so I did, not intending to say anything. But when the reporter asked me questions, I could barely shut up. "Kathleen obviously fell and bled to death from scalp lacerations," I insisted. "I am a nurse with emergency room experience, and I know how scalp lacerations bleed." 我暗示道凯瑟琳的头撞到金属椅子上。我坚持说迈克尔爱凯瑟琳，而 17 年前在德国以同样方式死去的丽兹是迈克的挚友。他永远不会伤害她。我非常热情地为我的兄弟辩护。 I suggested that Kathleen had hit her head on a metal chair. I insisted that he loved Kathleen, and that Liz, who had died the same way in Germany 17 years before, was Mike's dear friend. He would never hurt her. I was very passionate in defense of my brother. 我已经给老板说了，当审判开始时，我需要去北卡罗来纳州。没有什么可以阻止我为我的兄弟而存在。即使冒着失去工作的风险，只要我需要，我也会在那里，即使对他有帮助，即使是整个审判。毫无疑问，我对我兄弟的事业献身。 I had informed my boss that when the trial started, I would need to go to North Carolina. Nothing could keep me away from being there for my brother. Even at the risk of losing my job, I was going to be there for as long as I was needed, even for the entire trial if it would help him. There was no question of my devotion to my brother's cause. 几个月过去了。我每天都阅读新闻，每天都感到悲伤和愤怒。我很担心被保释的迈克。虽然我知道他可能不会被判有罪，但我知道一切皆有可能。我继续与玛莎、玛格丽特、托德和克莱顿通信。玛格丽特会要求保证迈克不会被判有罪。我不想误导她，但她不想听到任何其他的可能性。对我们的家庭来说，这是一段漫长、悲伤和不安的时光。 The months passed. I read the news daily, and sadness and outrage was with me daily. I was worried about Mike, who was out on bail. Although I knew he'd probably not be found guilty, I knew that anything was possible. I continued correspondence with Martha and Margaret and Todd and Clayton. Margaret would ask for reassurance that there was no way Mike would be found guilty. I didn't want to mislead her, but she did not want to hear of any other possibility. It was a long and sad and upsetting time for our family. 我妈妈于 2002 年 6 月去世。我去雷诺医院看她，因为她的臀部骨折了。她身体非常健康，三天前还打过桥牌。尽管患有慢性类风湿性关节炎，她仍然非常活跃。 6 月 19 日，当我离开她的病床时，她告诉我，她恐怕不会“熬过这一关”了。我说：“这太荒谬了，只是臀部骨折了。”她说她压力很大。第二天，她就去世了。 My mom died in June of 2002. I went to Reno see her in the hospital because she had broken her hip. She had been very healthy, and had played bridge just three days before. She was very active despite her chronic rheumatoid arthritis. On June 19 she told me as I left her hospital bed that she was not going to "make it through this one." I said, "That's ridiculous, it's only a broken hip." She said she was under a lot of stress. The next day she was dead. 我为迈克尔感到非常担心和难过，我让重症监护室的护士给她戴上呼吸器和起搏器，直到迈克尔可以从北卡罗来纳州回来。我解释说，他在6个月前突然失去了妻子。杰克、比尔和我看着护士们让妈妈的身体保持着活力，直到迈克晚上 10 点 30 分到达，这样他就可以吻她与她告别。然后他们解开了呼吸器。 I was so worried and sad for Michael, I had the nurses at the intensive care unit keep her on the respirator and the pacemaker until he could come from North Carolina. I explained that he had lost his wife suddenly only 6 months earlier. Jack and Bill and I watched the nurses keep Mom's body alive until Mike arrived at 10:30 pm so he could kiss her goodbye. Then they unhooked the respirator. 我在里诺的逗留是痛苦的，不仅仅是因为我母亲的突然去世，我和她非常亲近。没想到，迈克对我很残忍。如果迈克提出什么建议，比如给我生病的父亲喝一杯酒，而我反对，迈克会恶毒地攻击我。“听着，甜心，”他会咆哮道，“在这里并不是你说了算。”他甚至对爸爸让我开车而不是他而感到愤怒。迈克的一些口头攻击让我颤抖和流泪。 My stay in Reno was traumatic, and not just because of the sudden loss of my mother, to whom I was very close. Unexpectedly, Mike was very cruel to me. If Mike proposed something, like giving my ailing father a drink of liquor, and I opposed it, Mike would turn on me viciously. "Listen, sweetheart," he'd growl, "you're not calling the shots around here." He was even furious that Dad would let me drive his car but not him. Some of Mike's verbal attacks left me in trembling and in tears. 当我回到家时，我向我的朋友和公婆描述了他的行为。“他真是个混蛋，”我说。“他当然不是杀人犯，但他就是个混蛋。”到那时，我怀疑我的很多朋友都认为他是凶手，但没有人敢在我周围发出这样的想法。甚至没有人敢提出这样一种可能性。尽管他在里诺对我很残忍，尽管我觉得奇怪的是，一个因谋杀女人而面临审判的男人会让自己如此残暴地对待另一个女人——况且是在公共场合——这对我来说，仍然不可能相信他有杀人的能力。正如我所说，我坚定而热情地为他辩护。 When I returned home, I described his behavior to my friends and in-laws. "He's such an asshole," I said. "He's not a murderer, of course, but he's such an asshole." By then I suspected that lot of my friends thought he WAS a murderer, but no one dared voice that thought around me. No one dared even suggest it as a possibility. Despite his cruelty toward me in Reno, and despite the fact that I found it strange that a man facing trial for murdering a woman would let himself be so abusive to another woman -- in public, no less -- it was still impossible for me to believe he was capable of murder. As I said, I was adamant and passionate in my defense of him. 然后在 10 月下旬的一天，我在工作时接到了我哥哥比尔的电话。杰克也上线了。比尔说他刚刚看到了案件的完整报告，所有将在审判中使用的证据，而迈克的境况看起来并不好。比尔和杰克想从我患有严重痴呆症的父亲那里拿走 17.5万美元，以帮助支付庭审费用。迈克的第一任妻子帕蒂也借给他同样的金额。他说，这笔借款是由迈克房子的留置权担保的。 Then one day in late October, I got a phone call at work from my brother Bill. Jack was also on the line. Bill said that he had just seen the full report on the case, all the evidence that would be used at trial, and things didn't look good for Mike. Bill and Jack wanted to take $175,000 from my father, who had severe dementia, to help with the costs of the trial. Mike's first wife Patty was lending him the same amount. The loan was secured, he said, by the lien on Mike's house. 比尔分享了证据。在凯瑟琳的裤子后面发现了迈克带血的脚印。她的血溅在他的短裤的内侧。他是双性恋，最近的表现几乎印证了他完全是同性恋。而且还有一份价值140万美元的人寿保险单，而麦克是受益人。迈克获胜的情况比他最初想象的要难得多。接着，比尔挂断了电话。 Bill shared the evidence. Mike's bloody footprint was found on the back of Kathleen's pants. Her blood splatter was found up inside his shorts. He was bisexual and had been more recently pretty much exclusively homosexual. There was a $1.4 million life insurance policy with Mike as the benefactor. It would be harder case for Mike to win than he had initially thought. Then Bill hung up. 突然间，我的生活发生了变化。我能感觉到我的思想打开了。裂缝扩大了，一些念头、想法和后知后觉涌入。我又想起了1985年在德国的伊丽莎白·拉特利夫家的楼梯。这甚至不是一个完整意义上的楼梯，从中跌落仅意味着笔直地着陆。她是怎么得到多处深裂伤的？我重读了她的尸检报告。在 1985 年她从楼梯上摔下来时，并没有没有发现任何体内血管破裂作为动脉瘤破裂的证据（笔者注：德方当时出具的尸检报告中伊丽莎白·拉特利夫的死因为动脉瘤破裂）。这怎么可能？ And suddenly, my life shifted. I could feel my mind open up. The crack widened and thoughts and ideas and realizations flowed in. I thought of Liz Ratliff's staircase in Germany in 1985 again. It wasn't even a full flight of stairs. It just led to a landing. How DID she get multiple deep lacerations? I re-read Liz's autopsy. There was no ruptured blood vessel found as evidence of the ruptured aneurysm she supposedly had that caused that fall down the stairs in 1985. How could that be? 实际上只有一种合理的解释。 第二天我给哥哥杰克打电话。我和杰克可以无所顾忌，我解释了我曾对迈克不可动摇的信念发生了什么。然后我给比尔打电话。“我的上帝，比尔，”我说，“也许是他干的。”“你究竟想说什么？”比尔厉声说道。我们的谈话就这样结束了。我想我没有想说什么。 There was really only one reasonable conclusion. I phoned my brother Jack the next day. I can talk to Jack, and I explained what was happening to my unshakeable belief in Mike. Then I phoned Bill. "My God, Bill," I said, "Maybe he did it." "What's your point?" snapped Bill. That was the end of our conversation. I guess I had no "point". 我不理解这种态度。从那时起，我的家人选择不理我。一位家庭成员告诉我，无论如何都要捍卫家庭，无论如何。另一个家庭成员告诉我，即使迈克进了监狱，凯瑟琳和丽兹都不会起死回生。 I didn't understand this attitude. From that point on, my family chose to ignore me. I was told by a family member that one defends a family no matter what. No matter what. I was told by another family member that if Mike went to jail it wouldn't bring either Kathleen or Liz back. 我的生活发生了变化。我感到非常孤独。我保持沉默，我给迈克的电话和电子邮件也停止了。 My life had changed. I felt very alone. I kept silent, and my phone calls and e-mails to Mike stopped. 2 月，比尔要求杰克和我同意再用爸爸的 35 万美元为迈克辩护。我父亲在精神上没有能力批准或反对。我说拿他的钱是公然不道德和错误的，我不同意比尔的提议。迈克立即打电话给我发电子邮件说我很贪心，我只关心我的遗产。这与他对继女凯特琳所说的无比相似。那是我与哥哥迈克的最后一次交流。 In February, Bill asked that Jack and I approve using another $350,000 of Dad's money for Mike's defense. My dad was not mentally competent to approve or object. I said it would be blatantly unethical and wrong to take his money, and didn't agree to Bill's proposal. Mike immediately phoned and e-mailed me to say I was greedy, and that I only cared about my inheritance. It was similar to what he had said about his stepdaughter Caitlin. That was the last communication I ever had with my brother Mike. 审判开始时，我在电视上看到我全家在法庭上，我的兄弟、侄女、侄子和前嫂子帕蒂。三个多月来，我每天都在法院电视上观看庭审。我看着比尔接受电视采访，说全家人是如何支持迈克的。我看到他说迈克永远不会这样做。我看了很多对我所有家人和迈克的采访。 When the trial started, I saw my entire family in the courtroom on TV, my brothers and nieces and nephews and former sister-in-law Patty. I watched the trial on Court TV every day for more than three months. I watched Bill give TV interviews and say how the entire family supported Mike. I watched him say that Mike would never ever do this. I watched many interviews with all my family members and Mike. 我试着和比尔说话。我试图告诉他迈克是一个需要控制的危险人物。我坚定地认为迈克无法控制自己，就像病人或疯狗一样，他需要被收容。我害怕迈克。比尔不理我。没有人听我的。 I tried to talk to Bill. I tried to tell him that Mike was a dangerous person who needed to be controlled. I had decided that Mike couldn't control himself. Like a sick person or a rabid dog, he needed to be contained. I was afraid of Mike. Bill ignored me. No one listened to me. 然后，我打破了公开的沉默，与《达勒姆先驱太阳报》的汤姆·加斯帕罗利交谈。众所周知，加斯波实际上在报纸上占据了迈克曾经的旧专栏。我告诉加斯波，我认为我哥哥有罪。 “我仍然希望我认为他是无辜的，”我告诉他。 “如果我这么想，生活会轻松很多。”该专栏于 2003 年 9 月 7 日开始发表，而当时的迈克正在接受审判。那天之后，除了杰克，我的大多数家人都不再和我交流了。我成了一个局外人。 Then I broke my public silence to speak to Tom Gasparoli of the Durham Herald-Sun. Gaspo, as he is known, had actually taken Mike's old column at the paper. I told Gaspo that I thought my brother was guilty. "I still wish I thought he was innocent," I told him. "Life would be a lot easier if I thought that." The column ran on September 7, 2003, while Mike was on trial. Most of my family, all except for Jack, quit communicating with me after that day. I became an outcast. 有罪判决于 10 月 10 日到来。我很惊讶，但意识到尽管有一百万美元的辩护，正义得到了伸张，它表明司法系统确实有效。因为即便一个人富有、白种人、有口才、有教养、聪明，还花费了超过一百万美元，他并不总是能逃脱法网。这是对美国司法系统的致敬。 The guilty verdict came in on October 10. I was surprised, but realized that despite a million dollar defense, justice was served. If anything, it shows that the justice system really does work. Because a person is rich and white and well-spoken and cultured and intelligent and spends over a million dollars, he doesn't always get off. It is a tribute to the justice system in America. 在审判中，辩方谈到了合理的怀疑（笔者注：reasonable doubt）：没有凶器、没有证人。但是有压倒性的证据，而辩方从未正面回应过这个问题。迈克的辩护者们仍然不能（扳倒这些证据）。没有人能解释凯瑟琳脖子前面的软骨骨折，除非是企图勒死的证据。没有人能解释为什么她整个身体上唯一的伤就是头部深深的裂伤和前臂背部的瘀伤。其他地方没有发现瘀伤作为跌倒的证据。丽兹·拉特利夫也是如此。但迈克的捍卫者们一再重复“合理怀疑”。没有人说那天晚上到底发生了什么。毛巾是怎么落到她头下的？擦血是什么时候完成的？凯瑟琳的尸体是怎么翻过来的？没有提供任何答案，仅有“合理的怀疑。” At trial the defense spoke of reasonable doubt. No murder weapon. No witness. But there was overwhelming evidence, and the defense never addressed that. Mike's defenders still can't. No one can explain the fractured cartilage in the front of Kathleen's neck, except as evidence of a strangulation attempt. No one can explain why the only injuries on her entire body are the deep head lacerations and bruises on the backs of her forearms. No bruises are noted elsewhere as evidence of a fall. The same was true of Liz Ratliff. But Mike's defenders repeat and repeat and repeat "reasonable doubt." Not one person has said what really happened that night. How did towels get under her head? When was the wiping up of blood done? How did Kathleen's body get turned over? No answers get provided. "There was reasonable doubt." 我知道大多数人无法想象他们的兄弟或儿子或父亲可能是冷血杀手。但是每个凶手都有兄弟姐妹和父母。毕竟，杀人犯究竟长什么样子？ I know that most people cannot imagine that their brother or son or father could be a cold-blooded murderer. But every murderer has sisters and brothers and mothers and fathers. After all, what does a murderer look like? 有时我会遇到认识迈克的人。他们看到他的口才和魅力，他们说他不是凶手。这让我很困扰。凶手如果不可能是看起来婚姻幸福的白人、富有、聪明、有教养？那他们看起来应该是怎么样的？ Sometimes I encounter people who have met Mike. They see how well-spoken and charming he is, and they say that he's no murderer. That bothers me a lot. Murderers aren't white, rich, intelligent, cultured men who appear to have happy marriages? What do they look like? 我如果相信我的兄弟是司法系统的受害者而他被错误地指控，那我会是一个平静得多的人。那至少对我来说“更说得通一些”。而知道他确实做了对我而言要难得多。这需要很大的力量。但我睁开眼睛，看着事实和真相。非常痛苦，令人难以置信。我被迫重新审视我的生活，并意识到在过去的 20 年里，我一直生活在这样一个男人的陪伴中，这个男人残忍地谋杀了我的一个朋友，一个美丽善良的女人，然后又谋杀了另一个女人，他美丽、充满活力的妻子。我无法逃避真相。这通常很痛苦，但对我来说却是必要的。 I was a much calmer person believing that my brother was the victim of the justice system, that he was wrongly accused. That at least made sense to me. It is much more difficult for me to know that he did it. It takes a lot of strength. But I opened my eyes and looked at the facts and truth. It is very painful, and it is mind-boggling. I have been forced to reexamine my life, and realize that for the last 20 years that I have been living in the company of a man who brutally murdered a friend of mine, a beautiful, kind-hearted woman, and then murdered another woman, his beautiful, vibrant wife. I can't run away from truth. It is often painful, but it is necessary for me.